hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
bring money and cleavage
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
