I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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