Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
