just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
