it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
