we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
