I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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