i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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