Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize