Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize