God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
