I'm drive I can fine osifer
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
