They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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