this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
