Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
