I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
