in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
