I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
