mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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