I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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