I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
