Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
