He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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