He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want nice things and good sex
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
