But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My vagina is officially offended.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
