There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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