there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
