Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
