my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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