i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
