I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
