I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just pee around me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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