A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
