do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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