Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
