Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
