Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize