He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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