don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
