"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
