meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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