I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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