It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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