Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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