we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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