2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
