What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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