I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
