Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
