I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
