i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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