dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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