We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry about my life...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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