Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
