There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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