paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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