Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
50% drunk capacity currently
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
