Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
