It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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