Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
