you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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