Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
