ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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