yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
