Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize