Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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