I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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