So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
