drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
