speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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