Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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