My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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