Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
