The maid of honor just puked.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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