So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
