After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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