using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
